Mental Health Check In – The Mother of All Nihilist Crises.

It is time for a much-need, long-awaited Mental Health Check In.

You guys. Being a mom is HARD. It is also the most rewarding, most beneficial, soul altering thing you could possibly do with your life. Holding my kids recharges my soul, I swear they do something to me that nothing else in the known universe could.

But here are the cold hard facts; you can’t dedicate your entire life/every piece of your being to your kids. You can try, and trust me, I will and am trying, but realistically you need to be yourself still and you need to live with and for YOU.

Recently I have been accused of having the ‘baby blues’, that old excuse for the influx of hormones new moms experience after having a baby. Here is the text I sent to a friend:

‘I need to spit my thoughts out today because I have already filled 2 notebook pages and I dont’ feel better. Basically today I am all about goals and being a better person, ut I keep asking myself why, what is the point when anyone can die and become dirt at any point. So I keep putting things into perspective of ‘its all for my girls’. Which is what every parent does I am sure. But then I get down to, what is the point for them? To just live happy and comfortable lives? To make a change? What kind of change? Is their purpose just to have kids as well? Do I need to get them into church soon aso they have an answer to all their questions?’

I found myself quickly following up this text with a snapshot of an answer I found on Quora:

‘Our presence alters things. Like enjoying my bed at night, I live my life that way. I enjoy helping others, making them happy, and this gives my life meaning. I don’t have a necessity to be remembered after I die, I will be dead, so I don’t care. But even without wanting to, my deeds, words, inaction, etc. will all leave a mark on others. So for me, the meaning of life, is in my day to day interactions. In the way I treat people. Who I am will have an effect on people, like the electrons, and my choice, is the effect I choose to leave. ‘

Did I answer any of my questions? No not really, but can they be answered, really? No, not really.

I don’t think these thoughts are attributed to having ‘the baby blues’. I think these thoughts are attributed to feeling too much all the time. Being a mother has put things into perspective to me as far as ‘it is all for my kids’, but how far can this get me, mentally?

Has any other mother, or father, felt this way? What gets you through? What helps you focus?

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