Okay so maybe the lovey-dovey vibe didn’t work out for me today (I’m blaming my hubby’s cancellation of a spontaneous lunch date I planned), I’m going for a more morbid feel for the afternoon.
I am diligently working on the final part of Dear S, and simultaneously looking through old therapist notes I took before each session I attended.
So, of course, I’m going to share one I found. Mental growth is fantastic.
Note that these are just that, notes, and may not make too much sense, but not much did for me at that time anyway. I’m not going to say that this is all miraculously fixed, of course, but with the combination of depression and bipolar meds and infinite self-reflection, things are getting better.
January 20th, 2017.
Cycles – Every aspect of life is a cycle.
Extreme lows = hormones, cutting, arguing, crying – lack of emotional control – self arguments constantly
Social cycles – social inability – yoga class, ymca with boss, bar with coworkers, old college friends parties….nothing – 1/10th time = social overcompensation
Trust – Jealousy – Punishment
Need for being needed – both currently sexually and overall sexually within society
List making, non-stop thoughts, head explosion, no thought control
Always searching for deeper purpose in mundane and serious tasks and questioning why
Self- contentedness – vices, lazy, choices, willpower, old habits – fat me vs skinny me
Having/Needing vices around – vicodin at work, other at home, bad mood not if I’m not doing them (travel and family) but if it’s not there for me when I want to do it/unwind
Need to unwind and constantly be comfortable = social anxiety?
Retrain my brain – negativity, feeling left out with fiance during day, friends in different cities, family, drugs, cigarettes, etc. REBOOT?
Uncontrollable mouth versus head telling me to stop being a bitch